Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
