If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
