How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
