I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
