oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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