So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
