first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
