if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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