you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
