her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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