walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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