Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
