um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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