are you still at the devil's house?
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize