im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize