if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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