I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it because I queefed?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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