there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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