maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
