FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
