Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
