I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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