Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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