dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
