My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
