One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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