I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
