my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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