guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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