We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
