is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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