Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Found the puke drawer
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
