he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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