he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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