haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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