fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
