just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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