I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
