he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
