i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
