you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
