I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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