Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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