I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
