why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
