my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
