I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
