btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
