Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
