I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
