woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am mentally ready for anal.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
