I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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