At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize