We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
