I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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