I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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