Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
