um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
third nipple confirmed
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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