Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
