yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I want to fling myself into the sun
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
