Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
someone threw a dead crab at me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
