Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
