You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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