Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
