Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
