You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize