She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
