he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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