You smell like a Billy Joel song
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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