she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
